Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
