my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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