Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
