Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
