what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
