At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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