dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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