Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
