I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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