Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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