the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm like, not good at living.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
