so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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