I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
