yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
