I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
