So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
