Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
