there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
