Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
