the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
