I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Say something about gay babies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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