I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
