meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
