I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
