I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
