is your mom at the bar?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
