I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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