i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
