I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
