I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he thought i was a dude.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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