Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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