I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
