The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
