i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
its not stalking. its research.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
