he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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