Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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