hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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