i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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