her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
