thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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