just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
