You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
