How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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