I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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