someone owes me an orgasm
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
