is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
