I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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