What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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