I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
