i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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