I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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