I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
