There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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