So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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