He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
