Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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