ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
