Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
