I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
