Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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