make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
