YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
