Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
