Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
