The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
