Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
