Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
