Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shame - the story of my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
