Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
