hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
