I just cut my nipple shaving
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
